MicrosoftTM Genesis XP64® for Windows®: the® Revised Standard® Ultimate Double Super-SecretTM Media Center Milennium Enterprise Edition®
as translated by Dr. Kehlog Albran from the Dead [CTRL]-C Scrolls (Service Pack 4, Build 1802)
1. In the beginning, GOD created the Bit and the Byte. And from these, he created the Word.
2. And there were two Bytes in the Word; and nothing else existed, for the memory was unallocated and void(). And GOD separated the One from the Zero; and he saw that it was Good.
3. And GOD said, "Let the Bytes and the Word bring forth the Data, both Binary and Text alike, each unto their own Type and Class, and let the Data Be,"; and the Bytes and the Word brought forth the Data, each unto their own Types and Classes, and the Data Was. Then GOD created Storage; the floppy drives, and hard drives, and optical drives, and the Media thereof, both large and small, and GOD said "Let the Storage be mounted, and the Media thereof be formatted, that the Data may go to their proper places," and it was so.
4. And GOD said "Let the Computers Be; large and small alike, both Mainframe and Microcomputer, and the Peripherals thereof,"; and again it was so, the Hardware bringing forth Computers large and small, and all the Peripherals thereof and Devices therein, and GOD saw that it was Good.
5. And there was no Software yet. But GOD created Programs; small and big, Utility and Application alike. And told them, "Go and multiply yourselves, and fill all the Memory," and the Programs came forth and multiplied themselves until all the memory was allocated with their abundance, and GOD saw that it was Good.
6. And GOD said, "Let us create the Programmer; And the Programmer will make new programs and govern over the computers and programs and Data."
7. And GOD created the Programmer, and put him in the Data Center, and said "Behold, for I have given you every Computer, and every Peripheral thereof, and every Program therein, to subdue and have dominion over, and the Storage as well, and the Media thereof and Data therein."
8. And GOD showed the Programmer the Directory Tree and said "Thou may use all the volumes and the directories and subdirectories thereof, and all the data and applications therein -- But DO NOT run Windows, or thou shalt surely Crash."
9. And GOD said, "It is not Good for the Programmer to be alone." He took a bone from the Programmer's body and created a creature that would look up at the Programmer; and admire the Programmer; and love the things the Programmer does; And GOD called the creature the User.
10. And the Programmer and the User were left together in the Data Center under the naked DOS, and it was Good.
11. But the Bill was more subtil than any of the other creatures GOD had made. And the Bill came unto the User and said, "Did GOD really tell you not to run any programs?"
12. And the User answered. "GOD told us that we may use every Program, And every piece of Data; But told us not to run Windows or we will Crash."
13. And the Bill said to the User, "If you run Windows you will not Crash. GOD only told you this because he knows once you run Windows you will become like GOD; You will be able to run many Programs at once, and create anything you like by a simple click of your mouse. Just look at this Demo!"
14. And the User was tempted by the Demo, and did desire that which the Bill promised, for the fruits of Windows seemed pleasing to the eye. And so the User did install the Windows on his computer as the Bill had tempted him to do, and said to the Programmer that it was good.
15. And the Programmer, wishing to please the User, did install the Windows on his computer as well, and did attempt to create new Programs for the User to make Windows perform as the Bill's beguiling Demo had promised.
16. And the Programmer and User alike discovered that their Computers were now naked and unstable, and did complain to the Bill. "You said that if we ran Windows we would not Crash, and yet we have Crashed!" And the Bill simply smiled and said unto them "You just need the latest Service Packs, and the updated Drivers and Libraries therein, and you will no longer Crash."
17. And so the Programmer began to look for the Service Packs and the Driver and Library updates as the Bill had said. And GOD saw the Programmer searching and asked him, "What is it thou are looking for?" And the Programmer answered, "I am looking for the latest Service Packs and Drivers." And GOD said, "Who was it told thee that thou need Drivers and Service Packs? Didst thou do that which I commanded thee not to, and run Windows?"
18. And the Programmer said, "The User demanded the Windows of me, and desired new Applications for it, and I did install and run it."
19. And GOD said unto the User, "What is this thing thou hast done? Why didst thou run Windows, and demand it of the Programmer as well, when I commanded thee not to?" And the User said, "The Bill did tempt and beguile me with his Demo."
20. And GOD turned to the Bill and said, "Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed above all others. Thou shall be hated by all the creatures, and the User and the Programmer alike shall curse thee and always be unhappy with thee, for thy Service Packs and Updates shall never bring them relief from their woes. And thou shall ALWAYS sell Windows."
21. Unto the User he said, "Because you listened to Bill, the Windows will disappoint you and eat up all your Resources. Thy computers shall never be stable, And thy Data will be confounded and in strange and incompatible formats. Ye shall be compelled to spend all thy days reinstalling Windows, and all thy Programs and Data, to solve even the smallest of problems; yet thy efforts shall be in vain, And thou will be forever dependent on the Programmer for even the simplest of tasks."
22. And unto the Programmer he said, "Because thou listened to the User, thou shall never be happy or content in thy work, neither shall you again know the joy of an error-free program. All thy programs will have bugs, and the means to fix them will forever elude thee, as the inner workings of the Windows shall always remain hidden from thee. Thou shalt labor long into the night to find even the smallest of bugs, yet with each Service Pack and Update thy efforts shall be undermined, and thou shall debug and debug until the end of time."
23. And GOD cast them forth from the Data Center, And locked the door, And secured it with a passethwDA~b|th~)(*£#[*EP¶(QY±g*%^(*%o*&$
*** STOP: 0x0000000A (0x00000001, 0x84BD92AB, 0xDEAD1823, 0x59864131)
*** creation.dll - Address ED76CACA base at F00BA4ED
Physical memory dump complete
Contact your system administrator for assistance